i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
