He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
