he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
