Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
