I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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