I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
