Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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