Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
