i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
