Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
