check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Your dad touched me again.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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