Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
