Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
