Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
