You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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