Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
