Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
