I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
