she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
