IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
