Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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