When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They have beer where we have blood.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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