She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
