Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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