What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
