Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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