Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
