And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My first STD was from a foam party
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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