who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
