There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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