i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
