He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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