Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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