is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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