I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
