did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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