What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
A+ Viking dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
