She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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