those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
