I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
