I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
