well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
