So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
