We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
