If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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