I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
