We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
