White coat. Heels.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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