I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What a dumb baby whore.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
