At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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