come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
