saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
