As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
