Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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