My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
