Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize